What your Subway sandwich says about you

While I'm not a certified psychologist, I did use to work at Subway (which is basically the same thing, right?).  That year of cutting vegetables, restocking potato chip bags, and making men sandwiches actually taught me a lot of valuable lessons.  All in all, what I'm trying to say is that I can tell exactly what kind of person you are based on what you order at Subway.  So instead of paying some therapist a thousand dollars to tell you what's wrong with you, let me take care of that job right now:

1. You order the vegetarian sub.  You are a better person than I will ever be.
2. You pronounce Italian "eye-talian."  You are probably going through some type of identity crisis because you are trying to be someone you're not by faking a southern accent. 
3. You order double meat.  You are a disgusting human being and will probably die of a heart attack sometime in the next couple of months.  So the next time you're about to order that double meat ham sandwich, just think about how much pig butt you're about to consume.  I know it's hard to break old habits, but I believe in you.  You can do it.  Take the time to reevaluate your life because you honestly don't need that much pig butt going into your mouth at one time.  Trust me.
4. You think that it's a good idea to put both sweet onion and chipotle sauce on your sandwich.  If this is you, your outfits probably never match because I'm willing to bet that you're as bad at picking out your clothing as you are at picking out sandwich sauces that compliment one another.  Aka sweet onion and chipotle do not go together and neither do your plaid shorts and striped shirt.  I know I just rocked your world, but it will all be okay.  I promise.
5. You microwave your sandwich.  I'm actually going to break my rule and suggest that you go see a therapist because you have deep-rooted psychological issues that I can't even begin to scratch the surface of.
6. You order the Big Philly Cheesesteak.  You didn't get that much attention as a child and you try to make up for it by ordering the biggest sandwich on the menu.  You're trying to appear super macho and manly in hopes that either the beautiful sandwich artist (aka me) or the woman in line behind you will fall instantly in love.  You are also perfectly okay with paying $10 for a Subway sandwich that will ultimately only leave you feeling more alone than ever before.
7. You toast your sandwich with the veggies on it.  Your mother was a terrible cook and your taste buds have learned to love disgusting things like warm lettuce and burnt pickles.  
8. You order flat bread.  You're trying really hard to be hipster, and your ultimate life goal is start your own line of home workout videos.
9. You ask your sandwich artist to scoop out the middle of your bread before making your sandwich.  You collect yoga mats and have a lot of trust issues. 
10. You ask your sandwich artist to change gloves before making your sub even though it's right in the middle of a super long and stressful lunch rush.  You only care about yourself and are probably a politician because only a politician would ask you to do something as ridiculous as change your gloves.
11. You order the meatball sub.  You're going through a dark time in your life.  You're very lost and alone, and you forgot that only weirdos order this particular sandwich.  But it doesn't stop there: you are even weirder if you get the meatball sub and then put lettuce and pickles and cucumbers and stuff like that on it.  Bonus points if you also decide to garnish this sub with honey mustard.   
12. You order a turkey sub with lettuce, tomatoes, and mayo.  You are an unoriginal white girl who cringes at the thought of change and/or saturated fats.
13. You order the Spicy Italian sub.  You are trying to give off the impression that you are a fun, flirtatious, outgoing person because you ordered a "spicy" sandwich.  But when it comes down to it, you're just going to finish your sub, go home, and go right back to playing Farmville or online checkers while constantly refreshing your Twitter interactions page hoping that someone will notice you.
14. You order the Seafood Sensation sandwich.  You spend your time reading fan-fiction and listening to Youtube song covers.  You hope to one day live on the coast of Maine and own a fishing boat.  You constantly settle for second best, which is why you're okay with eating a sandwich full of fake, rubbery crab.
15. You come into Subway on a daily basis.  You are very lonely, and the only people who know your name are your mom and the Subway employees that you see every day.
16. You buy all of the cookies, leaving none for everyone else.  You're very conceited and selfish which is why you haven't been able to stay in a serious relationship for longer than a couple hours.  
17. You call your local Subway, give them your order over the phone, and say "I'll be there in five minutes to pick it up."  You assume that the world revolves around you when *spoiler alert* everyone actually hates you.
18. You order white bread.  You are a raging racist.
19. You come into the store five minutes before closing time and order seventeen footlongs.  You will never find love.
20. You don't put any sauce on your sandwich.  The word moist makes you very uncomfortable.

It's as simple as that.